The Delight of The Dumpster

images-9He who dies with the least wins…..

There I was sitting on my middle son’s bed supervising him while he packed for his summer program. I happened to glance into his closet and that’s when it happened. It’s happened to me before and I can only compare it to the transition Bill Bixby undergoes when he turns into the incredible Hulk. I don’t get huge and green but the process does, on occasion, involve the ripping of shirts. From out of nowhere, I get a burst of energy and I become a mad purger with an agenda. I start to feel alive, empowered and productive, like I can, at long last, make my mark on the world.

I wasn’t always like this and I don’t remember the first time it happened but I just know that one day I was a regular person and the next I was swearing up and down that the only thing I wanted for my birthday, was…wait for it…not jewels, not clothes, but a dumpster. My children know not to get in my way when I’m like this because there is a very high probability that they will end up in the dumpster. I am overwhelmed with an itch to throw everything away. EVERYTHING. It just feels so good. SO. DAMN. GOOD.

When we moved from our last house I was a woman on a mission. We actually got a dumpster and I proceeded to toss. EVERYTHING. You know all of those personalized rockers, hampers and step stools you get when the kids are born? All of those went out on bulk recycling day. I peeked out the window to see if anyone driving around the ‘hood picked them up. When people did, I clapped my little paws together with glee. “This is so sad,” my children cried. I ignored them. My oldest son trudged out and saved the hamper with his name on it. It might have been a pitiful or heart breaking moment for some but not for a woman in the throws of a purge.

I always thought I’d be more of a hoarder than a purger, but sometimes you even surprise yourself. And, the joy I get from getting rid of things is a little weird. I once read an article that the happiest people are the ones with the fewest things. For about ten seconds I tried to winnow my belongings down to twenty items but then I got side tracked…hence this blog post. But, I think I know what my twenty items would be, definitely my computer so I could continue spouting nonsense.

Love to chat but gotta go put some more stuff on the curb… It’s a great country where you can put whatever you want on the curb.

Happy, Healthy and Safe 4th!!!


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